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Research

By Terri Rimmer

It started out innocent enough.

The ad asked for paid volunteers to experiment with a form of birth control known as the "O ring".

They didn't tell me that it was easier to put in than to take out, something I found out, wriggling around on the cold floor of my bathroom later.

It was one of many research studies I've been involved in since 1992 to earn extra money.

Each one has their own criteria, their own rules, limits, risks, interesting data, and various pay, of course. With asthma, I found I was either too chronic or not chronic enough, a frustrating discovery. One asthma study required me to keep blowing into a machine to make balloons on the computer screen "pop." This determined whether or not I would qualify for the study. After much pain from blowing, I did not and was sent on my way.

An allergy study I was in required me to not take any antihistamines weeks before the study, something I, who suffer from severe allergies, could not do.

The study I get the laughs from other people on though is one I've been involved in for three years. It's a gynecological study and involves allowing med students to examine you invasively (Pap smear, breast exam) for several hours. The pay is $100 per four hours and this year that enabled me to visit my sister in Florida. The first time I volunteered in the study I felt a bit like a prostitute but now I tell my friends who are hard up for cash and they're grateful later. I've met some interesting people through this particular study. One woman volunteer, trying too hard to control the procedure and thinking she was helping the shaky med student lifted her body up to avoid being pinched by the speculum as he was bringing it out of her. The speculum then went flying across the room and hit the wall, much to the student's horror.

One student I had was pouring sweat and he was only on the question and answer period, having not even started the exam. I heard one of the doctors tell someone in the hall that the student got sick earlier and he didn't think he was going to be doctor material. Another student could not say the word "sex" to save his life, which hindered him greatly in the verbal sexual history question and answer period.

I also participated in some focus groups for extra income, which also pays well. Once I drove to Dallas to take part in a mock jury group where they fed us lunch and paid us $100.00 for four hours.

I recently tried to take part in a stomach study but found out I'd already tried the medication they were touting, which disqualified me.

The first time I got to see the inside of my gallbladder via medical camera was when I was a paid volunteer in a gastrointestinal study last year. The camera viewing only lasted a minute but it was a very long minute! I was required to log my symptoms daily on a palm pilot then download them into the phone which emailed them to the research study supervisor. At first I was intimidated by the palm pilot having never used one but I got used to it in no time. One good thing that came out of the study, which I was later discharged from due to being too chronic, was the research assistant gave me some paid editing work to do for her son, who was aspiring to be a published science fiction writer.

I called one time on a pain study but wasn't in enough pain, according to the criteria. A depression study I called on rejected me in the pre-screening process, something that should have depressed me, don't you think?

Recently I answered a bunch of intimate questions over the phone to determine if I could take part in a lingerie study but after being embarrassed through all my answers was told I didn't qualify for whatever reason. Seems like they should have offered me a condolence gift for being "violated," you know? Maybe a nice teddy or something.

Having gone through an adoption three years ago I was qualified to take part in a study in Dallas this past spring. They paid me $100 for an hour and a half of questions involving a blind fold, visualization, and somewhat rude questions by the interviewer. As I glanced at the sign-in sheet I recognized three birth moms' names who I knew since an ad regarding the study was posted in the local paper the week before. The money helped me pay some immediate bills.

I was later called by a group in Illinois who offered to pay me $75 to participate in a skin survey via mail. I filled out a questionnaire over a ten-day period, drew pictures, made intricate collages for various questions, and painstakingly reflected in writing daily about my skin including what my fantasy skin would look and feel like, how I felt about my body, and what kind of products I wish were on the market. I had no idea it would be so hard but who really gives skin this much thought? When I was done I felt like a scientist. A very strange mad scientist.

I called a study recently that wanted to interview pet owners but didn't qualify for that one. When I called on insomnia study the interviewer who pre-screened me didn't like that I took naps and told me they couldn't use me. Oh well. I wasn't willing to give up my daily nap. I hesitantly called on a study about weight last month. After a few series of questions I was told I didn't qualify.

More often than not, I don't qualify for a lot of studies but I keep giving it a shot until I strike gold.

Besides, I know that every spring I will get called back to make that few hundred dollars at the amusement of those med students pursuing gynecology, affording me to fly the friendly skies once again to see my sister in Florida, a trip that is well worth the invasion of my precious reproductive system.

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